Grieving 

It has been a melancholic beginning of 2024. My father-in-law had been in poor health for much of last year, and in the days leading up to Christmas, he sadly passed away. Christmas didn’t happen. Instead of a giant roast dinner on the day, I made fish finger sandwiches (which were surprisingly tasty). 

In the opening of my current WIP, my main character, Lavinia, deals with her late aunt’s estate. I blackly recall thinking months ago that researching the process of what to do after someone has died would one day come in useful. Those opening chapters are named after the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. 

We define grief by these handy labels. But everyone is different. We don’t conveniently move through them. We can chop and change, go backwards and forwards, miss stages, and get stuck deeply in just one. 

My father-in-law’s passing left me listless when it came to my creativity. The opportunity was there, but I couldn’t get into the mindset. Anyway, my grieving spouse and his family were more important. The funeral in January was a time of sadness. But also a celebration of a life well lived.

Walking

I found time to process things through walking. Putting on my shoes, I’d head out without a set route and start walking. Often, I feel in the present moment, taking in my surroundings with a quiet mind. At other times, I am completely oblivious to where I am. I only feel my body as I walk and my mind as it digests everything whooshing around in there. 

The combination of thinking, walking and feeling leads to many breakthroughs. Many of my worries are no longer worth the time and energy to get worked up about. If I’m angry, frustrated, sad... I can hone in on the root cause. I can find compassion for others. Yes, even the ones who are pissing me off!

In my recent blog post, I touched upon my love of walking and how photography opened up a way of seeing the world from different perspectives. Through the act of putting one foot in front of the other, I found my creativity slowly returning. Explorations on foot became an opportunity to rekindle my interest in photography. I also took pictures as references for future ideas for new paintings. Then, I found myself no longer walking alone. A character from a story would pop into my head. Inwardly, I asked them questions, and they helpfully gave up their secrets. Questionable character motives suddenly made sense. Shady backstories got dragged into the spotlight. Gaping plot holes were seamlessly sewn together. Forget about walking your dog. Walking your fictional characters is a whole new level! 

Creating

Before my father-in-law’s death, I’d written an outline for my current WIP. The main parts were there, but something felt off. So I kept walking, thinking, and mentally taking my characters with me so we could carefully take everything apart, piece by piece. Last week, I sat down and rewrote my entire outline. It totalled over three thousand words, but the story finally feels right. Now, I can crack on and write the scenes and fall headlong into research rabbit holes. 

After weeks of feeling no creative spark whatsoever, it is wonderful to have the enthusiasm and hum of excitement back again. 

Please, if you have any comments or want to share your own experiences, hit the reply button and let me know.

Sending you all a big hug!

Emma